If your willing to share how would you describe your internal demons. I think most people probably have some. Some have more control than others.

My two biggest are a petrifying fear of change, and one I don’t know how to articulate well, a petrifying fear of interaction would probably be the best short description.

Change/future: when I left my old job, I had a new one already. Everyone already knew I was leaving. Actually, officially, putting in my 2 weeks notice took me almost a full workday to work up the courage to submit, and I’d already told my boss weeks earlier. I don’t like my job now, have a few other things I could consider and the financial means to do it, but I am terrified of following through on any of it. What if I don’t like it… What if… what if… what if… I don’t like what I do now, but I am comfortable doing it. I work from home and have wanted to move for over 5 years. I know some of this could be risk aversion, but it seems excessive and irrational at times.

Interactions: Even before submitting my first post here, filling out the form with why I wanted to join was hard for me to do; submitting my first post was terrifying. Even now I have a little worry every time. Its getting better with time, and I do what I can to fight it, but its always there. It took me 10 years before I clicked the watch button on an artist’s page. I’ve never been “normal” and I guess I had some fear of being “found out” or shame? dunno. I was afraid someone I might know would be there. I don’t know why, that’s why they’re demons. I recently joined a few discord servers, I feel like an imposter, that I don’t belong, that nobody wants to hear what I have to say, or I’m being in the way. I don’t know if its just some social anxiety, or something deeper.

  • @l_b_iOP
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    44 months ago

    Ramble away, and if you ever feel the need to ramble more, you can direct it at me.

    Posting here has really helped me with the being open and talking about kinks and furriness, not sure I’m ready to take the leap into the real world, but its a start. Gave me enough confidence to join a few discord servers.

    I’d type more here, but I don’t know what else I can or should say.