I’m incredibly lonely and isolated, which is understandably depressing. But it’s also harder to make friends to solve the loneliness because I simply am too damn sad to not be a downer. When I’m at my lonliest, that’s when I’m really motivated to want to talk to someone; and venting all your depressed thoughts isn’t the best first impression. When I am actually having a good day, I don’t feel like I need anyone; I’m perfectly happy to be alone and spend time with myself.
I wanted to really meet new people here, and try to be closer than just a stranger on the Internet but I am struggling with it and it’s very concerning to me. I never had problems being myself online, and a decade ago I would have said my online self is more the real me than the me in the real world due to my mostly non-verbal nature. I’m much more open, or was, when I am communicating through text. But since marrying and divorcing I’ve been unable to really share myself that way even in the spaces I felt most comfortable.
On top of all that, I have this extreme urge to be with a furry. I don’t mean like an actual anthropomorphic character, but like… Another human who is a furry. Lately I’ve wondered if I am actually just fetishizing it, but the main reason I specifically want to be with another furry is it feels like it would be easier to be understood and get along being little weirdos together. But I also live in a super conservative part of an otherwise liberal state; just being queer in general is hard enough here finding someone who shares in other interests like this even harder.
I don’t know where I’m going with this I just needed to vent to real people and not to a wall or an AI. I mean, I’d love to just be engaged with a little. Get me to open up I guess? If anyone is even interested despite my bullshit. IDK… I feel stupid now after saying all this, but I’m hitting the post button anyway.
I’ve had similar thoughts, but somehow it doesn’t really affect me like I suspect it should. I don’t know if I’ve somehow protected myself from those feelings, but I think I’m just too busy IRL to have time to feel anything about it. I’m very much an introvert and feel more natural being one of my many identities online.
I’ve been a furry for probably ~15 years at this point, but I’ve never really interacted with the community. I was sort of hoping that Lemmy would be a way to connect with it in a more accessible way. I’m sad that Furry Lemmy didn’t take off as much as I thought it would - furries usually love this sort of thing, and I was surprised to see that most would rather stay behind in The Bad Place. I didn’t even have a reddit account before this, but I was motivated to try to bring Lemmy to life. The good news is that Lemmy has come to life, but the furry section feels a little empty.
I’m not sure how to solve this short term - making friends seems easiest when you’re not trying. A furry fediverse chatroom might be a way to have more of a social aspect, but I don’t know if I’ve seen any around. Mastodon just feels too “me”-centered, and that’s probably why I don’t use any traditional social media. I would generally like to make more furry friends but am not sure how to go about it. In the meantime, as I type this I’m on endless client calls and have project deadlines to meet and it’s easier just to suppress the notion indefinitely.