Tesla, a future case study for securities law classes across America, had to stop delivering Cybertrucks this past weekend. No, not because the hundred-thousand–dollar medium-duty pickup, which is only any of those things in the loosest interpretive sense, tends to brick when it gets rained on; nor because its stainless steel panels get all rusty and nasty-looking after weeks exposed to the rare, harsh condition of “being outside.” Perhaps you think it has something to do with the shorter-than-advertised driving range and longer-than-advertised charging time, but no: Rather, the cause of this snag is that the trucks struggle with the basics of stopping and going, by which I mean that the accelerator pedal cover slides off and gets stuck under a panel and locks the accelerator pressed down and keeps the Cybertruck stuck at maximum velocity.

Other Tesla models have had issues with speeding up and slowing down at the wrong times. The company was sued in 2017 by drivers whose cars drove themselves unexpectedly through garages and into walls; a German paper reported last year on over 2,400 complaints about sudden braking problems; and a safety researcher published a white paper showing how voltage spikes could lead Teslas to speed up without warning. You are supposed to like this because it means you are on the cutting edge, helping Elon Musk in his quest to save humanity.

Suckers who ordered Cybertrucks a few months or years ago and expected deliveries this weekend did not get their cars, nor a precise explanation for why they did not get their cars, but instead were simply told, “Hi, we have just been informed of an unexpected delay regarding the preparation of your vehicle. We need to cancel your delivery appointment for tomorrow and we will reach out again when we’re able to get you back on the schedule.” Maybe someone with a hot glue gun will get on this one.

  • Howdy
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    1477 months ago

    I saw one in the wild the first time a couple weeks ago on an interstate. It looks so fucking dumb in person. The pictures don’t do it justice of how insanely stupid looking it is.

    • @Gerudo@lemm.ee
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      797 months ago

      I finally saw one in person, and this is so true. It’s like a kindergartner was told to draw a picture of a truck and then made it in real life.

      • BruceTwarzen
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        67 months ago

        I really can’t imagine it looking even dumber in person. I hope i never have to see one tho

        • @Kiosade@lemmy.ca
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          37 months ago

          I’ve seen like 4 or 5 so far (Bay Area). It ALWAYS catches my eye how stark and stupid they look.

      • @tacofox@lemm.ee
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        7 months ago

        It was most likely wrapped in vinyl.

        Unfortunately for the owners, it’s not just for vanity, see (literally), handprints, rust, and “surface contamination” all but requiring getting some sort of protective skin, wrap, iPhone case or whatever installed as soon as you get it to prevent damage/maintenance. Oh good thing ol tessy sells a factory wrap.

    • Nakoichi [they/them]
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      77 months ago

      Yeah there is one guy in town that I have seen a few times. I’m amazed every time I see it on the road because they seem to have a ridiculous failure rate.

  • @HauntedBucket@lemm.ee
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    537 months ago

    Tesla wasn’t always like this. Something changed. Somewhere a load-bearing corner was cut and it’s been shit ever since.

      • @snooggums@midwest.social
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        397 months ago

        Yup, he swooped in, took all the credit, and then bullied all the talent out of the company.

        He did the same thing to twitter, but faster to that company.

    • AFK BRB Chocolate
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      217 months ago

      I saw two of them this weekend. One of them was painted a bright, bright green, which managed to make it even uglier. When we were driving on the freeway next to the first one, my first thought was it looked like a vehicle from one of those cheap 70s or 80s sci-fi movies where they make some “futuristic” car by putting a shell on a regular car and you can tell that the suspension wasn’t modified to handle it, so it drives like shit and looks stupid.

      • beefbot
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        37 months ago

        I feel like the mohawked futurists of Mad Max would take a look at one and just shit themselve laughing before crushing one like an aluminium can

  • @skozzii@lemmy.ca
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    7 months ago

    Why would you pay that much money just to be made fun of. Owning a Tesla is bad enough, but a cybertruck is just begging for ridicule.

    You don’t own a Tesla , you lease the software to keep it running.

  • Nakoichi [they/them]
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    257 months ago

    Rather, the cause of this snag is that the trucks struggle with the basics of stopping and going, by which I mean that the accelerator pedal cover slides off and gets stuck under a panel and locks the accelerator pressed down and keeps the Cybertruck stuck at maximum velocity.

    Critical support to Elon Musk trying to kill as many libertarian techbros as possible.

    • Noxy
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      117 months ago

      But surely the thing is more lethal to people outside the thing than inside it

  • theturtlemoves [he/him]
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    207 months ago

    The company was sued in 2017 by drivers whose cars drove themselves unexpectedly through garages and into walls; a German paper reported last year on over 2,400 complaints about sudden braking problems; and a safety researcher published a white paper showing how voltage spikes could lead Teslas to speed up without warning.

    Remember the relative of some US senator who drove herself into a pond and drowned? Was she driving a Tesla?

    • Adkml [he/him]
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      87 months ago

      Especially hilarious because it was the relative of former Transportation Secretary.

      I know that’s not really her job but it sure as fuck sounds funny.

    • @umbrella@lemmy.ml
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      7 months ago

      whose idea was it to make the brakes not connected to the actual brakes anyway

      im not a car engineer and just the tought of it feels unsafe as fuck

      there was a case in i think japan where the car simply accelerated like a rocket out of nowhere and the brakes simply refused to work

  • @averyminya@beehaw.org
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    187 months ago

    I just really hope the 7,000lb steel truck doesn’t crush someone to death. What a fucking awful design.

      • @averyminya@beehaw.org
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        97 months ago

        Well, that’s the other thing. The Cybertruck has NO crumple zones, meaning in the event of a crash all of that energy is going into the passengers. I feel like at best you’d be lucky to get out with severe whiplash.

        Still, I’m more concerned about someone being flattened or worse, used for nefarious purposes. If anyone regrettably remembers when some peaceful protestors disrupting freeway traffic had a giant truck driving through them (not the Semi in Minneapolis but the regular Large Truck owner driving through an abortion rally protest, hitting 2 people).

  • Optional
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    147 months ago

    As the Bay Area is both a nexus for world-class goobers and the region where Tesla used to be and kinda-sorta still is headquartered, I have seen a lot of Cybertrucks out in the wild over the past few months. They are remarkably fake- and shitty-looking in any context (Is that a big toaster with wi-fi next to me at the exit? Who’s driving the scrap metal assemblage with Bryan Colangelo-esque proportions? Why does every Cybertruck driver I glance at appear to be simultaneously peacocking for attention but also totally embarrassed, haunted by the unexamined knowledge that as a maneuver in a culture war they paid $100,000 for a car that doesn’t work?)