Got lucky with a girl I met through a friend’s girlfriend that I am absolutely in love with but I couldn’t get it up when things got heated. Stayed over at hers but didn’t even get morning wood the day after, only semis over night. Also haven’t had a boner for 3 days now.
She’s actually texted me back more than once after the incident, so I think she might still be ok wil me, but I feel like I should apologise or something. I don’t want to force things but I also don’t want to lose her. Should I apologise?
Also I’ve looked at porn for like 13 years and was getting unwanted hard ons with no effort literally the same week this happened. And I tried looking at porn later (to check if it was porn brain) and my dick remained soft until I touched it (even then it wasn’t like like it nromally is). WTF? Could I have got ED literally the one time I was on the verge of getting laid? Safe to say, I will not be looking at porn again.
This is a seriously underrated comment!
OP, it sounds like she maybe likes you, so be honest, but not brutally honest. It’s ok for her to know you like her and were nervous. It happens. Lay off the porn, and spend some time with her. Get to know her more. Flirt with her.
If she already likes you, there’s no need to be mysterious or play games. Be a friend to her, make her laugh, but keep up the flirting to stay out of the friend zone (which is very much a thing).
I appreciate the kind words, but I have to push back on two things you said.
First, there is no established link between porn and negative outcomes for health or sex or any of it. That’s a moral panic that has existed since the first sex workers, so basically since the dawn of commerce.
Secondly, the friend zone isn’t a thing. Most meaningful relationships I’ve had have started out as friendships and stayed that way for a while before anything changed. The key to changing things is to tell the person you like them. You can flirt if you want but you’re going to have to make a move at some point. It’s really that simple. If you hang around them as a friend hoping and waiting for “something to happen”, then it won’t, because they won’t realise you want more.
I know there are no studies regarding porn and sex drive, but it can desensitize you. Speaking from experience here (and I know that’s anecdotal). Not saying it breaks your equipment or anything. To quote my doctor, “at the end of the day, an erection is arousal + hydraulics, basically.”
Masturbating too much can desensitise you and I definitely agree with abstaining for a day or so if you want to make sure you’re ready for a partner. It really doesn’t have much to do with porn use though. I think it’s important to separate those two concepts and not use porn as a proxy for talking about masturbation.