I came across this article from 2018 and it really spoke to me as a late-diagnosed autistic only just learning what “comfortable” feels like.

  • dumptruckdan
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    111 year ago

    I agree with the other commenters that you should spend some time outside your comfort zone but pace yourself very carefully. The article mentioned a proximal zone that’s outside but adjacent to the comfort zone. I think it’s good to mostly shoot for that with occasional planned forays further out just to test yourself.

    IMO nobody should be telling you when to go outside your comfort zone or how far, or whether you’re doing it enough, unless it’s someone close to you whose opinion you can trust and who you know will hear you out when you say you’re overwhelmed. And even then you still have veto power because you’re the one who has to deal with the fallout if you push yourself too far and melt down or burn out. I don’t ever see any NT folks volunteering to help people clean up their life after that except maybe social workers and therapists.

    The flip side of this is that since nobody can tell you how much is too much, you’re responsible for monitoring that yourself and communicating or removing yourself before you get overwhelmed. That’s a good use for the proximal zone - testing your boundaries and keeping an eye on your mood so you can learn to spot when you are approaching your limit. Easier said than done, but I’ve found it worth the effort. And it gets easier with time.

    The other thing to recognize is that some days your comfort zone is pretty big and other days it’s about as big as your bed. Asking yourself “how big is my comfort zone today” helps you give yourself some grace. If it’s a bed day and you got out of bed, you already exited your comfort zone and should factor that in when you plan your day.

    • @[email protected]
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      21 year ago

      Too much text so my brain won’t let me read it and thus this might just be a summary of what you said, but

      My take is to treat it like exercising muscles, you push as far into discomfort as you can handle (never reaching pain, pain is a sign of damage rather than growth), then you spend a long time resting and recuperating until you feel ready to push it again.